A friend who moved in with her parents to care for them until they died told me earlier this week that she is just now starting to read again-something that she just didn't have any interest in or time for when she was caring for her parents. She was always listening to the baby monitor next to the bed to make sure they were okay. She went on to say, "there is nothing harder than being a caregiver for your parents."
The reading comment struck me because her parents died in 2003 within a few months of one another. She has been recovering emotionally from that experience for seven years and just now is beginning to turn her attention to some of the things she liked to do. That's not to say she's been idle all that time-she ran a business and worked full-time.
What her comment brought home to me is how hard this type of caregiving is. Mothers provide care and use a lot of energy when their children are growing up but it's a hopeful type of caregiving. It's not always fun and games but we look at our children and hope they grow into healthy, happy adults. When you care for your parents, as someone else recently said to me, you know what the ultimate end is going to be.
It's easy to say that caregivers have to take care of themselves but it's very difficult to achieve. In the back of my mind, I always have a mental clock telling me that it's time to fill the pillboxes or make the next doctor's appointment. There is the worry about falls and other health issues because I do know what the ultimate end is.
Everytime there is a crisis, I wonder how much intervention is too much. At what point do we step back? What is ordinary care and what is extraordinary?
I try very hard to turn that mental clock off and take time with my husband. Time alone is also important-even if it's just a short walk. How do others take care of themselves?
